How often must I forgive?
Ever since learning my multiplication tables in third grade, Jesus’s admonition in Matthew 18:21-25 on how often we must forgive others has fascinated, and mystified, me. We hear this reading during September on the 24th Sunday of Ordinary Time. Peter speaks for all humanity in asking Christ just how often do we have to tolerate the faults and failings of our neighbors? How high is the bar for forgiveness, for extending grace and mercy?
Ever since learning my multiplication tables in third grade, Jesus’s admonition in Matthew 18:21-25 on how often we must forgive others has fascinated, and mystified, me. We hear this reading during September on the 24th Sunday of Ordinary Time. Peter speaks for all humanity in asking Christ just how often do we have to tolerate the faults and failings of our neighbors? How high is the bar for forgiveness, for extending grace and mercy?
As an elementary school student, I could not fathom the idea of forgiving 77 times, much less “70 times 7 times” as some Bible translations say. That’s a whopping 490 times! My child’s mind was yelling “No way!” upon performing that calculation. That would mean endlessly forgiving every jerk who pestered me in one form or another. You can’t survive like that in this challenging world.
Scripture scholars often cite the symbolic value of the number seven and point to Jesus deliberately using that symbolism to imply never-ending forgiveness of our neighbor who offends us. I’m afraid my adult mind isn’t much different from how I thought as a child. After all, if we turn the other cheek every time someone else wrongs us, where would we be? As the cultural moniker advises, “Forgiveness is for suckers.”
The pivot came when I listened again to Jesus’ words in the Lord’s Prayer (Mt 6:9-13), “… forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us .…” It’s not how many times I need to forgive another (a knucklehead, a bad boss, a pain in the tush, a son of a gun, a royal witch, a piece of work, a provocateur, an aggressor, a thief, a liar), but how many times will I need forgiveness in my lifetime for my faults, flaws and bad behavior? Even Pope Francis in his autobiography Hope (2025, Random House) constantly says of himself, “I am a sinner.”
Let’s take that 70 times 7 times and play with the math again. I have a friend who is a fan of running Monte Carlo analyses on his retirement savings to project what sort of income he can expect each month, depending on the number of years he lives.
What if I took that approach to my own “forgiveness account”? When I sin, do I have enough credits with my Divine Master to be forgiven yet again? How long will 490 “forgivenesses” last? Will I run out before I die? That could be a real problem because I can’t seem to stop sinning, and I sure don’t want to be in arrears in the forgiveness department.
This mathematical formula could keep me more accountable with my social and ethical behavior. If I don’t want to offend others but love them, if I want to be honest and operate with integrity, what does that mean for my actions during the daily grind? Think before speaking. Pause before reacting. Consider the other person(s) before deciding. Ask what would Jesus do or say? Convey the same grace and mercy I desire from our Heavenly Father, “…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us…” Not just 77 times, or even 70 times 7 times, but every time it’s needed.
Louis A. Gamino is a clinical psychologist at Baylor Scott White Health and a member of St. Luke Parish in Temple. Find more about him at www.LouisGamino.com.
