Every day, parents course through the exchange of thousands of words – at work, at home, with “PBS Kids” on in one room and Instagram reels playing in another. That’s a lot of verbosity back and forth! Yet, how often do we pause to consider both the words we’re consuming as well as those we’re sharing with one another? Are we saying what matters? Are we listening to what we’re saying when little ears are tuning in?

In our house with 10 people living under one roof – with teens, toddlers and everything in between – words abound. There are great moments of connection, as well as plenty of words we’d like to take back. As parents, we’re right in the middle of it – sometimes sparking the chaos, sometimes throwing a yellow flag and, mostly, trying to get by in peace and harmony. 

When we’re intentional about what we say, we create a home where everyone feels heard, valued and loved. It’s helped us to be healthier – mentally, spiritually and relationally – with one another. Yet, there’s more to learn in what we say every day. 


The “I love you, bye” trap 

Picture this: You’re racing out the door – late for work, swim classes at the YMCA or getting the kids to religious education. You toss out an “I love you, bye!” to the rest of the family as you quickly depart. It’s short and sweet, but does it land? Did anyone hear you in the land of “PBS Kids” or in AirPods isolation mode? Did you even mean it, or is it getting to the point where those three little big words have become routine? 

We’ve all been there, but here’s the thing: Little ears are still listening beyond the words, even when it doesn’t seem like it. If we can just slow down for one moment and put meaning into it, our love will come through clearly. Love can be heard again. 


“Yes, Mom.” It works. 

Picture this: Two toddlers are melting down, an older child insists it’s not their turn to do the dishes, and mom just wants a little help getting the kitchen clean – so, the standoff begins. Peace and order give way to, “No, it’s not my turn.” 

Dad walks in with a look and a simple, but firm, “Yes, Mom.” Recognition glazes over our child’s face who sees a formidable, united parental front. Then, consent: “Yes, Mom.” 

Two words moved us from obstinance to obedience. It’s not a lot, but it works, and words that work matter.


“I appreciate you” is another way to say “I love you” 

Emily Dickinson is famous for writing the words, “Tell all the truth but tell it slant.” In other words, we need to be creative and unexpected in our communication.  
Something that works lately is to say, “I appreciate you.” Not “I appreciate what you did,” but, “I appreciate you.” When the focus shifts from praising actions to affirming one’s being, positivity increases. 


The heart of the matter 

St. John of the Cross writes, “The Father spoke one Word, which was his Son, and this Word he speaks always in eternal silence, and in silence must it be heard by the soul.” 

If we’re real, we’ll recognize that we all fall short with our words at times. It’s not necessarily because our mouths are running overtime. It’s because our hearts sometimes approach empty. 

If we as parents can make just a little time to listen to that one Word with sincerity and intention, all the others will follow. Every heart in our home is listening for that Word to be spoken in every other word, action and life around them. Let’s make them all matter. Where our hearts are, our words will follow. 

This column appeared in the May/June 2025 issue of On Mission, the Magazine of the Diocese of Green Bay. Used with permission.